Some of you who may be following this site already know that I will be leaving on Monday (June 26th) to go to the MAYO Clinic in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I'll be seeing some new doctors and potentially having another surgery. This week leading up to it has been rather weird emotionally. It hadn't really hit me until I got up today and bought some things in case I did end up extending my stay. The flood of emotions and memories seemed to be at the forefront of my mind, especially the fear of losing people, namely friends I've made in my time outside of constant surgeries.
Today, I was reminded of the fact that things are different now.
Now let me start by saying that I've always had my family. Being an only child, my mom, my dad, and I are very close. They've been there with me every step of the way these past 6 years and I owe them so much. Words can't even begin to describe my love and thanks for them and who they are and what they've sacrificed. But friends...well I've always lacked those. This isn't to say I haven't had a core group of people on my life because I certainly have. But I never let myself open up to others because before they could truly know me I was taken back into the medical world. We all know life gets busy and people fade from our minds easily without us really meaning for it to happen. I was a victim of it just like so many others. Unfortunately, it got to the point that I had no one and, in order to protect myself, I put up a wall. It was easier to never make new relationships than it was to loose them constantly.
Today, I was reminded that life was different now. Those people I had allowed into my life all reached out to me today. They let me know I was cared for, that I was important to them, that I wasn't alone. I had spent so many years of my medical journey unaware of what it would be like to have a support group my age and it caused me to whither. Now, I face this new chapter with a group of loved ones, with a new family to add to my intimate circle and I find myself overwhelmed.
I have been so afraid that this chapter will be the same, that I will be forgotten and that I will suffer alone and in silence. Today, I was reminded that I am not alone. I was reminded that I am loved. I was reminded that I must have hope and faith.
I am ready to start this new phase because I know that, no matter what, I don't have to walk it alone.
Thank you Mom. Thank you Dad. Thank you Dirk, Bryn, Haley, Will, Parker, Sorrel, Trevor, Summer, Kat, and Chase.
I love you guys.
xoxo